today, July 23, is the day I finally launch my blog.
It also would have been my mom’s birthday.
You see, when I was two years old, she left me. Not like the ‘packed her bags and walked out’ left, but the completely gone from this world left. Cancer took her from us.
she still had so much life to live. WE had so much to live together. it wasn’t fair. I don’t have a single memory of a moment with her, and yet so many others do. she was supposed to be MINE. the one that would teach me how to be a woman. how to be a mother. to hold me when I felt alone. to wipe of my knees when I fell. to stay up late and watch chick flicks, eating junk food, talking about boys. to shop for my prom dress. my wedding dress. anything.
growing up, I don’t think it really impacted me. at least not my day-to-day. My parents did a good job checking off the boxes of what needed to be done to raise me, so I never felt like I was really missing out on something more.
That is, until I realized how deep that relationship can be.
Having Berkley changed my life. she was the first parent-child biological relationship I had ever experienced. and boy when I tell you our hearts are intertwined, I mean I don’t know how mine would beat without her. do I think family can come without a biological connection? ABSOLUTELY. my entire family is that to me. but Berkley and Juniper love me in a way that no one else has, and there’s just something truly special about that connection for us.
I have learned over the years how to work through my emotions to see the big picture. I believe the Lord has our paths so intricately thought through, that I can put worry to ease with the peace that the best is coming.
But how could someone dying be what’s best? Well, my mom had to die. She had to die for me to live the life I had. To go the direction I went. to meet my husband when I did. to have my girls be exactly who they are.
My mom had to have her last breath, so Berkley and Juniper could take their first.
So today I celebrate the launch of my blog as a gift to honor my mom. Because of her, I never want to take for granted a moment with my girls. I dream to give them the best life I can, building memories together, so they never even question a moment or forget an ounce of my love.
That may mean I’m a little extra at times. Maybe parties are over the top. Maybe we go on adventures more often than we should. Maybe my girls’ lives don’t look like the normal day-to-day of a child’s. But the thing is, if you knew when your last breath was going to be, would you live your life to the fullest? What if it was tomorrow and you had no idea?
Happy birthday in heaven, Mom. I hope I’ve made you proud. You have given me the greatest gifts I ever could have prayed for, and I will never stop thanking you for that.
Because of your life lost, I can have these bright, sunny days.
