Such a weird question, right? But yet it’s probably the most common one asked.
“Do you guys want a girl, or a boy?”
It’s not like anyone gets to choose, so how on earth did that even become a thing to ask? In a sweet tone, most women respond with that cookie cutter answer, “We’d be happy no matter what, just praying for healthy!”
But is that really true?
Before I was pregnant with Berkley, a friend of mine announced her pregnancy. She already had a girl and two boys, and was really hoping this fourth would be another little girl. When she found out it wasn’t, she called me in tears. Bawling. Just devastated. I felt so terrible, but also didn’t understand. She was pregnant, and this baby was exactly what the plan was for her family.
But I soon learned that gender disappointment is a real thing.
My heart pounded as Billy and I anxiously waited for the ultrasound tech. We were so excited to finally be at this point and become parents to our first little one, the rush was just unreal. And when she said “GIRL”, a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I held back tears, and I was so incredibly RELIEVED. I now understood the aching my friend had felt, and while I was thankful for the plan set for our family, my heart broke for those who feel a hole in theirs for what they thought their family’s path would be. In that moment, I knew if she would have said boy, I would have cried.
Being honest with myself now, I did always want girls. I dreamed about girls. My mama heart ached for girls. And when I pictured myself as a mom, I pictured ALL. THE. GIRLY. THINGS. But even though I felt this way, I never expressed it. What if that wasn’t in the cards for me? No one wants to be known as “The Boy Mom that didn’t want boys.” And there the MOM GUILT begins.
As many as 1 in 5 women experience a degree of gender disappointment. On top of this feeling, they then experience immense guilt for even feeling this way, and often times suppress it, battling themselves even more. Compounded with pregnancy hormones, it really can be a struggle.
Mama, I see you. It’s okay. It’s okay to feel this way, and still be an incredible mom. Sometimes you have to mourn the loss of the gender you wanted, before you can be excited for the gender you have. THAT IS OKAY. It doesn’t mean that when that baby is in your arms, you will love them any less.
Friends and family, be so careful. With gender disappointment, sharing the news can be hard. If you show signs of your own disappointment, It will only heighten the depression and guilt. BE EXCITED. Be warm. And immediately start sharing all the incredible benefits to having that gender, to help redirect the emotions.
Most of my family expressed preference to wanting our second baby to be a boy. And when I told them Juniper was going to be a girl, there was definite disappointment. But let me tell you, that sweet girl has brought more joy to our family than what anyone could have imagined, and she and Berkley have become the very best of friends.
No one would want it any other way.
from my heart to yours,
Our Fresh 48 photos were all taken by the amazing Grace Oliver Photography and our matching
hospital outfits can be found in similar colors here!