When I was pregnant with Berkley, the idea of breastfeeding seemed so strange to me. I remember telling my boss I’d be back from my maternity leave early, ready to travel, and no, I didn’t need need any accommodations for pumping when I returned.
BOY WAS THAT A LIE.
The moment my doctor laid Berkley on my chest, everything I ever thought had gone out the window. I was rushed with so many emotions that I didn’t even recognize myself. My life now became dedicated to hers. And when she started licking my chest, rooting to nurse, that original ideal of breastfeeding awkwardness quickly changed to give her whatever she wanted.
Now, our breastfeeding journey was NOT easy at first. You would think the most natural thing a mother is supposed to do would just happen. Why the heck isn’t it talked about more that it actually isn’t easy at all?! Before even leaving the hospital, I was cracking, bleeding, and in desperate need of help. Honestly, I don’t think I could have figured it out without my lactation consultant. *TIP* When you are in the hospital, ask for one! They will tell you all the things your mom didn’t, and prepare you for the journey you’re about to face.
After bringing Berkley home, my breastfeeding problems just continued. While I knew the positions to hold her in to nurse, I was way over-producing, and pumping for relief after she finished. Unfortunately, that only made my body think it needed to produce more milk, and HOLY COW did I feel like a cow. I was unaware that you are not supposed to pump the first few weeks to let your milk level out. By the end of our breastfeeding journey, I had so much breastmilk stored up, I would have broken the world record for most donated breastmilk. (however I gave it to a friend who needed it for her newborn!)
So on top of cracking, bleeding, and over-producing, Mastitis quickly followed. Mastitis is an inflammation of breast tissue, resulting from a clogged duct and/or an infection. The inflammation creates breast pain, swelling, warmth and redness, and sometimes a fever and chills. Sure enough, I had all the symptoms, and was given antibiotics and told breastfeeding was the only thing that would get the clog out to heal it.
I felt like my body was failing me. That motherhood was failing for me. Why couldn’t I get my body to do what it was literally made to do? I was in so much pain, but so dedicated to breastfeeding, that there were times Billy had to help hold me as Berkley nursed because the pain was just excruciating. At the time, there was so much pressure on the idea of “Breast is Best” that I let my guilt and social pressures make my decisions for me. Through it all, I ended up breast-feeding Berkley for two and half years.
At the end of the day, what makes mom best, is best.
Things were so much easier with Juniper. I felt so confident in what I was doing, and we quickly got into sync and two and a half years later, we are still going.
I know it’s hard, but don’t let the world pressure you into your choices and decisions throughout motherhood. You were designed to be the mom to your own babies, and you know what’s best for them more than anyone else. We think motherhood is natural, but there are so many aspects that ARE difficult. Especially breastfeeding.
from my heart to yours,
